Goodbyes

I am pretty bad at blogging these days, mostly because blogging requires reflection and introspection and I don’t really like to do those things as I say goodbye. You might say I’m terrible at goodbyes. For example, when I was studying abroad in London I had a whole group of friends that I really enjoyed and knew it would be awful to say goodbye to… so I just didn’t. They all got together at the pub we always went to on our last night in London and I just never showed up. The next morning some of them came to say goodbye but most of them were already gone, so that cut down on the tearful awkwardness for me considerably. I really enjoy the idea of the Irish exit.

Unfortunately, I cant exactly do that in Peace Corps. Having been the most interesting person in Mala Vyska for the past 3+ years, people are now acutely aware that I am leaving and ask me about it all the time. Am I ready? Am I excited to leave? Is it better in America or Ukraine? How will I find work in America? How will Seroga get along without speaking English? When will I come back to visit? Umm… great questions, guys. I’ll answer you with this blank stare and shrug. Am I ready? I guess. I’m more ready now than I was a year ago. I feel like its time. But that doesnt make it easy or anything. I have a whole network of people here, an entire life that I built, and Im just leaving the whole thing. I don’t know how I’ll find work, or buy a car, or help Seroga integrate into America. I don’t know how he will do there. Hell, I don’t even know how I will do there, considering that I’m so used to a Ukrainian lifestyle. I can’t say when I’ll come back to visit, or even IF I’ll come back to visit (depending on how things go with Seroga). Answering these questions is impossible, so I usually just say something about missing my family and wrap it up with “все буде добре” (everything will be alright). It’s not a satisfactory answer for me or anyone else, but it’s the best I’ve got. 

Furthermore, I can’t even imagine the actual day I say goodbye. Everything is going to be a hot mess, especially because it’s not just me – Seroga will be saying goodbye to his family as well. How will I explain to my adorable students that I am leaving forever? What will I do to thank Ludmila for her help? (I’m obligated to do this, no matter how helpful her help actually was.) The whole thing is just bizarre so I try not to worry about it too much and just trust that everything will be fine. Bсе буде добре.